hold me really tight (until the stars look big) - II

Jael wants to protest, wants to tell him it's okay. She swallows hard. 'You don't look fine,' she says, voice quiet. She looks just as wrecked as him, hollowed cheeks pale, dark circles under her eyes. 'It's okay,' she says, 'it's not the first time I handle something like this…' She looks at him, pleading.

Tate turns around. 'You don't have to handle it,' he tells her reassuringly. 'I can do this.' He leaves the room.

'Marcus!' a small voice cheers when he's pouring coffee in a mug. Small arms wrap around his waist from the back and Marcus laughs. 'Goodmorning, sunshine. How are you today? You all ready to see the island?'
Kali lets go of him and nods, eyes big and brown. 'Kaia told me Tate loves her most,' she tells him while he picks her up, placing a kiss on her cheek. 'Is that true?'
'Tate loves everyone just the same,' he promises. 'Did you make him a drawing? He likes that.'
Kali nods earnestly. 'A butterfly. Mom said it was really pretty.'
'I wrote him a letter!' Kaia's voice sounds from the living room. 'Mar, Mar, did you give him my letter?'

Jael watches him go, not being able to say anything, not being able to breathe. When the door closes, she feels like she's punched in the throat.

Julie scrolls through her phone, reading the news (since they don't bring the newspaper on the island, naturally). She takes a sip from her freshly brewed coffee. The sandwiches are in the oven.

'Yes, I gave him your letter,' Marcus tells her while putting Kali on the floor again. 'He loved it.'
Kaia beams as he kisses her forehead.
'Hello, snowflake. Where is your sister?'
'I'm here, I'm here!' Lea sighs, walking into the kitchen. 'It's too early for this.' She grabs Marcus' cup of coffee from the counter and takes a sip.
Marcus rolls his eyes and takes the cup away from her. 'Goodmorning, Lea. Try that again when you're old enough to drink coffee.'

Mica has almost finished her book when her phone rings. Surprised by the fact that they even have any signal on the island, she picks up.
'Mica speaking,' she mumbles.
The voice on the other side of the line is familiar. 'Mica?'

It's around eight when Alec walks into the house, finding Julie sitting at the bar, engrossed in her phone. He's sweaty from his morning run, but he leans in to give her a kiss on her cheek nonetheless. "Good morning," he singsongs in her ear.
She groans and pushes him away. "You're smelly."
"I just took a run. I'm supposed to be smelly." He sits down next to her, stealing her cup for a sip of coffee. 
She lets him, putting down her phone. "You were out of bed early this morning," she points out. "That's not like you."
He shrugs. "I woke early. Besides, it's a wonderful day and bofore you know it, it's too warm to run."

'I'm twelve,' Lea snaps, crossing her arms. 'I'm plenty old.'
Sometimes Marcus wonders how he got so much of his father while his sisters seem to be exact replicas of his mother. They have her black hair and her olive skin, her smile and her upturned nose. Kali and Lea even got her straight hair.
'You will be plenty old when you're sixteen,' he tells her, downing it in one go. 'Are you ready or not?'

Tate fell right asleep in his own bed after; head heavy, throat dry.

Mica sits up immediately, smile appearing on her face. 'Mom?'

Julie smiles as Alec presses another kiss on her cheek. "You gonna stop sneaking kisses anytime soon?" she murmurs, leaning into him.
"When you stop complaining about them, maybe." He grins, pressing another wet kiss on her nose before getting to his feet. "I'm going to freshen up a bit. When's breakfast ready?" 
She leans towards him, wanting another kiss. "In a bit. Ten minutes, maybe?" She tilts her head.

Jael decides to stop whining about the whole thing and gets her ass into the shower. The cold water seems to wash away everything that happened last night. She wants to forget. A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts, or so the saying goes. Tate would never admit to her that he wants her, loves her. Not when he's sober.

Mica curses her voice for breaking; blames the hormones in her body for making her weak when she talks to her mother.
She loves Tate. He's family to her. But they had to get away from home because he killed someone, and now she can't be with her family and she can't share pregnancy stories with her mum, and she can't know if anything is wrong, and—

Julie watches Alec leave. She thinks about Tate and about what he told her last night. She thinks about the girl upstairs, locked away in a room because she saw what Tate did.
She hasn't seen the guy downstairs yet. He's probably hungover from last night, because damn, he drank nearly all of the bottle. 
Swiftly, she gets to her feet to get the sandwiches out of the oven. She puts together a light breakfast and gets up the stairs, to Jael's room.

Marcus gets the girls on the boat safely, gives Kali and Kaia a juice box (apparently Lea is "too old for those", according to herself) and steers the boat in the direction of Mica Island.

Julie silently turns the key that's already in the lock of the door and gets in. The room is empty. There are clothes on the bed, Jael's suitcase is open.
"Jael?" Hesitantly, Julie puts the tray on the nightstand, only then hearing sudden movements in the bathroom.
"I'm here, I'm—I'll be out in a moment." Jael's voice is hoarse, she's heaving above the toilet bowl. Hot tears run down her cheeks as she pukes again, even though there's nothing left in her stomach. It hurts. Goddamnit it hurts.

Mica gets out of the room with red-rimmed eyes and a lip plump from biting. She croaks a 'good morning' even though there's no one in the kitchen and grabs a glass of water. The room smells like vodka and she can't believe she craves it that much.

At the sound of hearing the girl throw up, Julie pushes open the bathroom door. "Hey, you alright?" She kneels down next to Jael, who is quivering like someone just tried to kill her.
She doesn't answer, just shakes her head, over and over again. She flinches when Julie touches her shoulder. It's just a tiny movement, but enough for her to realize she has to back off for a moment. Jesus, she thinks as she sees how hard Jael is fighting. Jesus, this isn't healthy. 

Mica takes her pills without throwing up and eats a cracker to get the nausea to pass. Her hand rests on her belly, a small movement against her causing her breath to hitch.

Jael swallows back her tears. "It's nothing," she breathes when she finally finds the ability to produce words again. "It's fine, I'll be fine."
Julie purses her lips. "It doesn't look fine," she points out, realizing that this isn't something Jael got from eating something wrong. She sees the dark circles under the girl's eyes now, she sees the hollowed out cheeks, the exhaustion, the fear in her eyes. "C'mon, you can tell me what's going on..." She gives Jael a soft smile.

'Are we there yet?' Kali asks excitedly, hopping up and down on the small couch. Lea rolls her eyes and sighs, nails painted blood red ticking on the wooden table boredly.
'Almost, pumpkin,' Marcus smiles. 'Why don't you girls get your bags? Julie will be there to help us out of the boat and onto the island.'

Tate's head still feels heavy after drinking water in his en-suite bathroom and two aspirins, but it's bearable, now. He dresses himself nicely, remembers to brush his teeth two times and trims his beard so instead of the bewildered caveman look he now supports a little-less-bewildered caveman look. He's happy with it anyway.
Mica is in the kitchen when he comes down, face splotchy red, hands on her stomach and he just embraces—just puts his arms around her and buries his face in her hair.

Jael shakes her head. "It's just—it's just nightmares. It's nothing, I'll get over it..." Her heart is still beating fast, her eyes still burning. She takes a few deep breaths, pushing back the agonizing feeling of shame.
"You wanna tell me what they are about...?" Julie asks softly. She gets to her feet to get the girl a glass of water.

Mica sobs, a small sound high at the back of her throat causing Tate's arms to clench tighter around her body.
'What's up?' he murmurs.
You killed someone, Mica wants to say. You killed someone and I am pregnant, and I'm on an island that you bought for me in a house you made people build for me, and I don't want any of it because I want to go home to my mother, and I want to be with her while I deliver my baby.
'Just hormones,' she croaks instead. 'I'm going nuts here. Also: I need to shower. Marcus' sisters are going to be here soon.'

Jael hesitates, then shakes her head. She gives Julie a small, thankful smile as she hands her the glass. The water washes away the bitter taste, causing more tears to escape.
Julie smiles back and is silent for a moment before she bluntly says: "I know Tate killed someone. He told me yesterday before he ran off to God knows where."
Jael just stares at her, speechless.

Tate smiles sweetly, nods. 'You go do that. I'll fetch Marcus and the girls.'
Mica smiles back at him. 'What are they like?' she asks quietly, running her fingers through her hair.
Tate shrugs. 'It's been a while since I've seen them. They're adorable; don't look like Marcus at all. More Hawaiian—more like their mother. Loud, sometimes a bit rude without meaning to do so, but never disrespectful. You'll love them.'
When Mica leaves for her shower, he takes off to the docks.

"It's okay," Julie reassures her. "I'm a tough girl. I can handle something like this."
Jael needs some time to find the right words. She just clenches the glass in her hands, looking at Julie like she just saw her walk on water. "He told you...?"
Julie nods. "Yeah. After almost an entire bottle of whisky, mind you. But yeah, he told me." She smiles. "You're going to be okay, Jael."
The girl shakes her head, quietly wiping away a single tear. "I don't—I don't know... I—I saw what happened, I saw what he did. That's why he took me, because I saw... and then I ruined everything when I was stupid enough to meet up with Denny, and now he pretends like he hates me, and I keep dreaming about all of it..." She sobs. "I keep—I keep seeing it. I have a lot of nightmares, but that one comes back repeatedly. I just—I stand there, and sometimes it's me instead of Tina, or it's Denny instead of Tate, or Kyle, but it's always the same, I'm always watching." Her hands are shaking, the glass slips.
Julie catches it just in time, worriedly chewing her lower lip. Jael looks like a sick ghost. "Does he know?"
"No," the girl says, hastily. "He doesn't, and he can't. He can't know. He already knows about the panic attacks, he doesn't have to know..."
"Panic attacks...?" Julie asks, realizing there's a lot more to this whole thing than she thought.

'Tate!' Kali exclaims excitedly, jumping up upon seeing the black-haired figure on the shore.
Marcus sends her a stern look, demanding her to stay seated while he steers the boat neatly to the docks.
Kaia didn't jump, but still looks pretty excited, and even Lea's eyes glimmer when she stares at the island.
Tate smiles, waves at the girls on the boat and helps when Marcus docks. He lifts Kali up, putting her down on the wooden panels before giving the other girls a hand to help them off.
'Good morning, ladies,' he greets.